Old Red Eyes

From this guttered hallucination
The truth has finally drained,
A snapped cigar,
An empty jar
And a pickled old complaint.


3 Responses to “Old Red Eyes”

  1. Love the last three lines. Overall, a great poem. Admittedly, the second line is the one that throws me off, but only slightly, only in seeking perfection. I just feel it is missing a syllable. Perhaps the insertion of “been” would help, or perhaps you like it exactly the way it is. 😉

  2. dunstancarter Says:

    Cheers Lauren. The idea with the second line was to slow it down slightly before the rhyme is introduced in the last three lines. Great to get feedback. Thanks for reading 😉

  3. Hey, you know what? I get it. I think I just read it how you intended it to be read. Woot. 🙂

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